You smell nice...now step away from me.

I was once...an Axe Body Spray girl. At Walmart. For five days. The longest 5 days of my entire life. Armed with my black, logo-clad tote (which I was instructed, in detail, how to properly carry and open), I dragged my feet through the more rude, dirtier version of Target, asking pimply teenage boys if they wanted to be an "Axe guy." Did they want me to mist their entire clothed bodies with this enticing deodorant/body refresher? And would they like the $1-off coupon so they could purchase this cute girl magnet, and use it at home every day? I handed out 2 coupons in 5 days...and one of them was to my brother, who had stopped by to bring me my wallet, and make fun of me.

After hundreds of laps around Walmart, in between thoughts of "Okay, I'm getting $15/hour...don't run out the front door yet," I started to wonder why anyone buys Axe, or deodorant in general, for that matter. Anti-perspirant, I get. The super overweight guy by the Xbox games needs something to stop his pit stains from reaching his belt. I don't want my shirt to be completely soaked after soccer practice. But, deodorant, what's the point? The entire Axe spiel that I was required to blurt out (but never could actually say from start to finish), was centered on the idea that with this new spray, you, shy boy, will no longer have to stare at girls from a distance. You will smell so amazing, women will attach themselves to you. But, if this were actually the case, I think arrests would be involved, or perhaps, mental evaluations of the previously mentioned "attachers." When I pass by a person who doesn't stink in the store, do I stop and say, "Goodness. You smell nice, may I follow you or stand next to you for a bit?" No, because that would be creepy. If a decent-scented person walks past me, I let him keep walking. If an unpleasant odor pushes past me, I let him keep walking too. So. Does it really matter what anyone smells like? Respecting one's personal space in America is a very important issue (or so I was told in 10 grade health class), so why does it matter if he smells like a "morning forest" or she smells like "cucumbers and aloe"? No matter what anyone smells like...I want the man that just crashed into me the shampoo isle to apologize and move away from me. Or, I might have to use my 50+ bottles of Axe as pepper spray.