The over-sized, cushy chair that I had just plopped down in, is much harder to get out of when I see that my hairstylist is nodding along to her earlier appointment's life story, and I decide I should find something to read as I wait. An assortment of old People magazines, or Cosmopolitan? I choose Cosmo. While my 20ish-year-old self will probably not be as captivated by its pages as when I was sneakily buying it with my friends when I was 13, I'm still within its target age group, so, it should have something to offer. I open the cover, and am introduced to a 2-page spread on Maybelline's new "Lash Stiletto" mascara. Stilettos...stiletto heels? The super high, pointy shoes that go on my feet? They make them for my eyelashes now? That seems dangerous.
Actually, Maybelline isn't quite trying to convince me that they manufacture teeny tiny heels for my apparently insufficient lashes, but they do promise to have the "only mascara that does for lashes what stilettos do for legs." My lashes will look "leaner" they gush. I'm immediately irritated by this comment. Our society is obsessed with telling women that they consistently need their legs to be skinnier, their stomach to be flatter, their arms to be firmer...and now we should latch on to products that make our eyelashes seem "leaner"? Unfortunately for Maybelline, their hope to strike a nerve with any insecure, "maybe I could lose 5 lbs?" body image concerns that I might have, is failing. I've just never thought, "Ugh, my eyelashes are having a 'fat day', I can't go out." Sorry, Maybelline.
Later, Maybelline exclaims, with "the hottest thing your lashes will ever wear" (read: basic, black mascara that is almost identical to every other budget lash coating) I can have "unlawfully" long lashes. I'm thinking back and the evil state trooper in Wisconsin that I've had the pleasure of meeting twice on the side of the road, has never asked me, "Excuse me, Miss., could I please see your license, registration, and eyelashes?" I am positive my eyelashes will never be the reason I get a ticket on I-94 (even with Lash Stiletto gopped on), and Maybelline's over-the-top wordage is just silly.
The imagery Maybelline has chosen for this ad seems to suggest that this is the perfect mascara for you...if you aspire to be a skank. Shiny, black patent tights are glued on to a model's long, kicked-up in the air legs that stretch out across the ad's 2 pages. Written over the legs, we are reminded again, that...what were they selling? Oh yes, mascara, can give your lashes a "provocative length." In the midst of a glittery red background, we see the model's face. Her mouth is parted a bit, but her eyes look tired. If the photographer wanted us to think she was pondering how she was going to handle her newly attained seductress status, thanks to Stiletto Lashes, he failed. The model needs to wash her face, and take a nap.
If you're a tween, and your mom won't let you buy real stilettos yet, maybe you could curb your desire with Stiletto Lashes, but I doubt it. Or, if you're an occasionally clumsy 20-something, who tends to tip over while wearing pointy heels that get stuck in sidewalk holes, maybe you'll be happy trading the ridiculous shoes for a ridiculously-named mascara, but, again, I doubt it. Personally, I don't want these stilettos coming out of my eyeballs.
In case you have really low lash-esteem...click here.
No comments:
Post a Comment